


Byleth the Secret Troll

by DragonbornLives2665, TheSilveryShadowWolf (DragonbornLives2665)



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Byleth has a great poker face, Byleth has started trolling in other games now too, F/F, Fluff, Most of the characters are only in the chat part, She would definitely do something like this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:54:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23048878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonbornLives2665/pseuds/DragonbornLives2665, https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonbornLives2665/pseuds/TheSilveryShadowWolf
Summary: No one expected her to be the one behind the trolling. What with such a great poker face.
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 12
Kudos: 157





	1. Discord on Discord

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by bullshit a friend and I did on discord and other friends and I did throughout other games/chats. And this is ignoring that the Audit Log is a thing on Discord.
> 
> There will be other examples of Byleth trolling later. And eventually her being caught (maybe).

(Discord on Discord)

“Why is everyone red on discord?”

Byleth looks up from her phone and shrugs prompting her wife to look even more confused.

“I don’t know, El. They all had their different colors last night when I was on with Bernie and Caspar.”

The white haired woman looks back at her laptop and notices other things wrong with the server she made for all of their friends and family.

“All the channel names are flipped, too! Who did this!?”

“They are? Let me see.” Byleth opens the app on her phone and pretends to be shocked. “Oh damn!” She squints a bit at the list of names. “Uh, you might wanna look at the names, El...”

Every single name had been changed or spelled backwards.

\- - - the server - - -

** Home-of-the-Weirdos **

**Poobert:** Who did this?

**BearieBern:** why is my name this?

**DumbBabeyAnn:** I am NOT dumb!

**BirdieFerdie:** Sometimes you can be.

...birdie? Really?

**OnePunchCaspar:** I LIKE THIS!!!

**LittleSisLys:** I will kill whoever did this.

**Girthilda:** I will help you.

**AsheMash:** Mine is untouched.

**nomeDnehsA:** I am backwards.

**CreepsontheLadies:** Wow. Just wow.

**Mercedes-Benz:** It’s not wrong.

**CreepsontheLadies:** holy shit Mercedes! Just go and murder me!

**ThirstyforByleth’sDad:** I AM NOT!!

**rekaerBedalB:** I’m going to pretend I didn’t see that.

**ExoticKillerQueen:** but I have not killed anyone.

**SeductiveSiren:** Not very original. But I’ll accept it <3

**BabeySiren:** Yeah, not very original.

**BasicBlondeBitch:** I would like to know who did this.

**GreatPunmasterClaude:** @basicblondebitch XD is that you Dimitri?

**PaintstheFrenchGirls:** Um...

**SLEEPYELFGIRL:** I AM NOT AN ELF!

**EmporerofHotness:** I think we should try to get them fixed.

\- - - 

Byleth forced a pretty convincing laugh on seeing her wife’s name appear and watches the woman go red.

“When I find out who did this...” Edelgard mutters and goes about fixing the names of the offline people.


	2. The Animal Pit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minecraft. So many wonderful ways to troll in Minecraft. Not all of them include TNT. Some are non-explosive. I prefer those. They are easier to fix.
> 
> Also, I hc Caspar liking the whole OnePunchCaspar way too much and changing all his social media/gaming profiles to it.

(The Animal Pit - Minecraft)

“Hey, who colored my sheep?!” Caspar yells, cutting everyone else in the voice chat off.

“Didn’t you do that last time you were on?” Byleth asks him as she heads to his house in their little village. “I thought you dyed them all blue.”

“I did! But now they’re all red and black! I just got back from the mine and they were dyed!”

“Red?” Edelgard asks quietly and makes her way over to see as well.

“SEE!” Their friend yells as he is rushing around trying to redye all his sheep in the pen.

(The next morning)

_OnePunchCaspar joined_

“THEY DID IT AGAIN!!!” Caspar shouts again, nearly breaking everyones headphones. “THEY’RE RED AGAIN!”

Byleth muted herself and chuckled a bit. Today was a close one. She didn’t think he would log in so early in the day. Usually she is alone with maybe Hubert as the only other person online around this time. And even then Hubert tends to mind his own business in his little house a bit away from town and closer to Edelgard and Byleth’s farm, Crimson Flower.

(Several days of sneaky dyeing)

_OnePunchCaspar joined_

“THAT’S IT!!!”The blue haired man yells. “I’m moving my farm underground!”

“Wh-what?” Bernadetta squeaks, startled by his sudden shout. “Underground?”

“Yes! I’m tired of having to dye my sheep! I’m moving them into a pit I found!”

After Caspar logged off for the night, Byleth stayed on. It wasn’t too hard to locate the animal pit.

“We should give them some more freedom.” She mumbles with a grin as she fences off the perimeter of the hole, giving the animals a few extra blocks of space. Then she adds a way for the animals to climb out of the pit itself and into the fenced area. “There. They shouldn’t be able to get out.”

While she was at it, she took her stacks of cherries and planted them around each house in town just enough to make a barrier of plants in front of their doors.

“By? Are you still on the game? It’s almost midnight.” She heard her wife calling her and quickly logged off after setting herself back on her own farm to not be suspicious when she joins tomorrow.

(Next morning)

The first thing Byleth hears as she enters the living room is her wife trying to calm everyone down and stop them from accusing each other.

“What happened?” She asks as she sips her coffee, leaning down to look over Edelgard’s shoulder.

“Someone released Caspar’s sheep and animals from the pit and put cherries around everyones houses so they can not get in or out.”

“Wow. That would have taken a lot of work.” She tries to act surprised, but can see her love is a bit suspicious.

“Who was on last night with you?”

“Um, Bernie... Caspar... Lin was on briefly, but I doubt this could have been him. And I think dad, Hanneman, Alois, and Leonie were exploring the nether again.”

Her wife hums before unmuting herself in the voice chat and returning to try to calm things.

Later in the day, when she happened to be on alone again and El had gone to the store, she tunneled into the animal pit that Caspar had fixed. She led all the animals through her tunnel and out into a different hole a good distance away. Byleth just barely managed t finish patching up the hole the tunnel left in the pit in time for her wife to get home.

“What are you building today?”

“Um, was getting some cobblestone for a new path between the house and the barn.” She covered smoothly as she did have a few stacks of cobble in her toolbar and her pickaxe as well.

“We never did repair the path after that creeper blew it up, did we?”

Byleth felt arms around her as El leaned over the couch’s back to hug her.

“Nope.” She replied and turned to kiss her wife sweetly.

(A few days later)

Caspar hadn’t logged in for a couple days and Byleth began to worry that she might have annoyed him too much and that he would never play again.

_OnePunchCaspar joined_

She grinned when his name appeared in the chat. Wouldn’t be long before...

“WHAT THE FUCK!! WHERE ARE MY ANIMALS!?”

“They were in your pit the last time I saw them.” Linhardt says with a yawn. “Granted that was last week when I walked by there.”

“Could they have despawned?” Ashe asks. “Thats the right word, right?”

“Yes, Ashe. But, no. They wouldn’t have. They were still alive.” Byleth answers him and the newer player walks up to her. “C’mon. I guess we have a mystery on our hands.”

While Caspar and Ashe were inspecting the area around the pit, Byleth “ _found_ ” her hole left from the tunnel.

“I think there is a tunnel here.” She said just loud enough to be heard over Caspar’s confused ranting.

“A tunnel?” Linhardt asks as he makes his way down into the pit. “That would make sense. No...” He cut himself off with a small yawn. “No animals surrounding the pit. No trace of them anywhere.”

“So, our culprit led them down here?” Ashe asks as he nearly dies trying to get into the pit.

“Be careful, Ashe! The pit is too deep to just jump down!” Dorothea says as she had walked up in time to see him jump.

“I’ll be careful.” The young man assures as he heads into the tunnel.

“Wait. There could be traps.” Hubert stops him as he appears from seemingly nowhere. “ _I_ would have put some. Sadly, I am not the culprit here. I have not been online in a week.”

“Then I’ll go first.” Byleth says and heads in. “I still have the god-armor El made for me.”

“We’ll follow your lead, _Professor_.”

“I haven’t had you guys as students for several years now, Dorothea...” Byleth grumbles, but keeps moving.

“I hear something.” Ashe announces excitedly and everyone quiets again.

“That sounds like a sheep!” Caspar yells and rushes ahead of everyone just in time to pop out of the narrow tunnel into the big hole with his animals. “THEY’RE HERE!”

“You _really_ do not need to yell, Caspar.” Byleth gently reminds him. “We can hear you just fine in the chat.”

“Oh, sorry.”


	3. Mudball Shouting Mayhem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who don’t play ESO, momentos are items you earn from quests and/or festivals or buy from the crown store and can be used multiple times across your whole account. They never run out or go away. The Mudball Momento is only available during the New Life Festival. Which is a festival around New Years.
> 
> The “shouting” (or constantly using the “shout” emote in front of random people) bullshit a friend and I did years ago to everyone who entered a temple that is central to the Orsinium DLC. We were bored, had already finished the DLC’s storyline, and wanted to mess with people just starting it.
> 
> Lastly, Daggerfall is my favorite city to hang out in. So of course they hang out there, too XP

(Mudball Shouting Mayhem - The Elder Scrolls Online)

Byleth knew she needed to be careful with this one. Her friends knew her account name. And most of them had the setting to see people’s names above their characters on.

To get around those issues, she made a second account that they wouldn’t know or suspect. And waited until the New Life Fest had come and gone, so she would have the mudball momento. Now all she needed was to wait for a group of her friends to be online after the lasting craziness of the festival had worn off...

“Oh, haha. Very funny.”Her first victim, Ferdinand, sarcastically said in the area chat of Daggerfall. “Who threw the mudball?”

His wonderful costume, the Noble Suit, was covered in muck for a few seconds before the character automatically shook it off and was clean again.

She stood herself up on the top of the fountain with a few random players who knew the trick to get up there and waited until her friends went back to their plans for dungeon runs.

“HEY!” Claude shouted as his archery focused Nightblade was covered in mud.

“Someone on the fountain threw it.” Leonie pointed out and they all turned to where she was blending in with the small crowd on the fountain again.

“Which of you was it?” Ferdinand asked and Byleth could tell he was trying to stay calm.

Sadly for her friends, she had already whispered to all the people on the fountain with her to not say who it was and why she was messing with them. Most if them responded that they would keep quiet when asked.

Just as they promised, they all said they didn’t know.

“What about you? What’s your name? Professor Red Eagle? Do you know who threw it?” Linhardt asked sleepily, probably wanting to get passed this so they can run dungeons before his nap.

He was the only healer they knew online at the moment. They needed him.

_‘No mic’_ she wrote in text chat to them. _‘Did not see sorry’_

Leonie huffed. “Guess they ran away.”

It wasn’t long before they returned to their plans. And it wasn’t long after they did so that Leonie’s Warden was hit.

“Really?” She asked as she watched her character shake off the mud.

“Maybe we should move.” Claude suggested.

Byleth followed just outside of the distance she knew names appeared and hid within a crowd of npcs by the main gate when her friends stopped moving.

She targeted Ferdinand twice more.

“Once was amusing. Twice is annoying. THRICE IS ENOUGH TO GET YOU KILLED!” The redhead yelled and stalked around the area looking for the culprit. It seemed he was dead set on dueling the person when he found them.

Byleth knew her character wasn’t anywhere near her main’s level and he would decimate this poor Breton she made. She remained hidden as best she could. Thankfully, he overlooked her among the npcs.

“Why is Ferdinand on a rampage?” Byleth hears her wife’s voice in the chat as her max level Dragonknight walks up with her big axe.

The blue haired woman is very glad she decided to play at her dad’s house today otherwise El would see her on their second computer.

“Someone...” A yawn from the healer. “has been harassing us with mudballs...”

“Mudballs...?” She barely finishes the word before she is hit. “Who did that? Show yourself!”

Byleth moves only a tiny bit to get an npc between her and the group. A shield of sorts.

“Is that the person from the fountain? What was their name?” Claude asks as he moves closer to her. “Oh yeah, Professor Red Eagle.”

“...red?” She barely hears her wife ask.

“Why are you following us?” Ferdinand demands as he stalks closer as well.

_‘Not following. I had to go to the stablemaster to upgrade my horse.’_ She writes.

“Then why were you just standing there looking at us?” Leonie demands from her spot by El.

_‘I cannot look at the cool high level players?’_

“Y-yes, you can... just...” Ferdinand tries to come back from that. “Did you see who threw mud at us this time?”

_‘No sorry. They must have left before i saw you guys again’_

(Later in the day)

It seems no one from the earlier group of her friends mentioned the odd follower to the others. When she caught Bernie, Ignatz, and Flayn out for a crafting supply run, none of them seemed to know of her account.

She walked up to the trio as Flayn’s character was mining from an ore. The other two patiently waiting to move on to the next high spawn area.

“Oh goddess!” Ignatz yelledwhen she used the shout emote next to them.

“I don’t think they even noticed me.” Byleth laughs to herself, glad her mic was still unplugged.

“Wh-why’d you do that?” Bernadetta squeaks.

She just uses the emote again.

“Okay, well, we’re going to move on. We’ll see you later, uh... Professor Red Eagle. Bye.” Flayn says politely and gets on her Indrik mount.

Ignatz summons his Dwarven Spider mount and Bernie her simple brown bear. Byleth lets the trio get far enough away that she is sure they believe that was the last they’d see of the crazy yelling person. She follows, waiting for the right moment to strike.

“Th-this is not funny!” Bernie yells when she finally does. “Stop!”

“Bernie isn’t doing well. I’ll stop messing with them.” Byleth mumbles to herself and makes her character briefly salute them before running away.

She eventually finds a few of her other friends to ‘yell’ at. Along with a few randoms.

(The next day)

“By, dear, I need to ask you a question.” El says seriously as they sit on their couch playing Mario Kart together. 

_Oh no..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Other things that might not make sense to a non-ESO player:
> 
> Noble Suit - A costume you can get (Ferdinand loves this costume)
> 
> “the trick to get up there” - there is a specific way you need to go to parkour your character up onto the Daggerfall fountain’s statue. Kinda hard to explain, so I’ll leave it there.
> 
> Nightblade - one of the original classes to choose from. Pretty much used for thief-like or assassin-like builds (med armor, bows, dual wield)
> 
> Whispered - a dm
> 
> Warden - a class introduced in the Morrowind expansion. Very versatile from what I’ve seen and played. Has Ice magic and some decent healing, but great with all weapons, too.
> 
> Breton - a race in Elder Scrolls. Lore says they are descended from man and elf. A hybrid and the people of High Rock, where Daggerfall is (Byleth would fit in better and I just like Bretons XP )
> 
> Dragonknight - another one of the original classes. Very good as a tank. (And commonly seen with two handed weapons. You know El got her ax)
> 
> Indrik mount - a mount. Not sure how to describe it, but it’s the closest to a Pegasus I know of in game. (I don’t really use any mounts besides my wolf ones, so I guess google it. I picture Flayn with the colorful one. Iridescent, I think it is)
> 
> Dwarven Spider mount - dwarven spiders are automations from the dwemer... the mount is just a big one you can ride in. Pretty neat.


	4. Update, I guess.

I do plan to add more to this, but with all the panic surrounding coronavirus... the store i work at has been insanely busy. Trying to keep shelves stocked and dealing with customers (ive never been good with crowds and social interactions. Im rather introverted and have a slight fear of people) has left me rather drained by the time I get home.

i’m sorry. I just havent had the mental capacity left to think of more then just little parts of more chapters for this. I will be putting this message in all my works.

hopefully, i can get back to writing soon


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back. Sort of. I should be sleeping before I gotta go to work tomorrow, but I finally had a few days off to relax and unwind (which means playing lots of 3 houses XP ).

“What is it, El?” Byleth tries to keep her voice even and panic free.

“I... didn’t know how else to approach this.” Her wife mumbles and takes out a piece of paper she pulled from goddess knows where, looking it over. Seemingly hesitant to hand it over. “You know we babysit your brother’s children often.”

“Alois says Alina loves visiting Auntie El.” The teal haired woman teases and hugs her wife. “Jillian is way too serious for a girl her age. And tiny little Hugo. He’s just too adorable for his own good.”

“I love seeing Alina. I love seeing all of them.” Edelgard smiles before taking a deep breath. “That’s not what I wanted to talk about. Not entirely.” Pale fingers tighten around the paper, making it crinkle a bit.

“Are you going to let me see that paper now?”

She gets a nod as the paper is pushed into her hands, their video game completely forgotten at this point.

“This is...” The older woman mumbles as she reads with wide eyes. “...the information for an adoption agency.” Blue eyes turn to look at her wife. “El, a-are you trying to ask what I think you’re trying to ask...?”

She gets another nod from her wife as the white haired woman’s face gets red and she struggles to meet her eyes. “I-I’ve always wanted to have children of my own... And I know you’ve mentioned it a handful of times.” 

Purple eyes meet hers finally after a deep, almost grounding, breath and a pause. “We were concerned about our jobs and settling into the house, but...”

“Things have calmed down a lot over the past few years.” Byleth finishes for her.

“Yes. Adrestia Co. is no longer in the turmoil my father’s sudden passing caused. And you have just finished another year teaching at Garreg Mach University...” The younger woman begins to ramble.

“Yes.”

“W-we bought this house because it had extra rooms and... wait. Did you...?” Her wife finally catches what she said.

Byleth feels her eyes tearing up as she hugs her wife even closer. “Yes. I’ve wanted to bring it up many times myself.”

There is a wetness on her shoulder where her wife has hidden her face.

“A little boy or girl... sure to keep us busy, eh, mommy?” Byleth teases and squeezes tightly before releasing the other woman.

“Very busy... mama.” Her wife teases right back with a sniffle and a smile. “I love you, Byleth Eisner.”

“And I love you, Edelgard Eisner.” Byleth kisses her quickly before turning back to the game still on pause. “We need to finish this race so I can prove I am the better racer!”

Edelgard chuckles at the sudden change back to a lighter topic and picks up her controller. “You wish, By.”

It is halfway through the race when either of them speaks again.

“I know you’re the troll.”

Byleth feels her blood run cold at the devious look her wife shoots her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kinda happened. I started writing and this is the result. Fluffy fluff-iness.


End file.
